The Christian life is one of continual surrender. Someone famous said that... I don't know who. But it's true.
Sometimes there are areas of hardness in my heart that become roadblocks between the Lord and i. When I ask him to penetrate them, and he does, it can be so painful... almost tactile, a ripping away of what i've allowed to be established so firmly.
God is jealous for me. He will have all of me, and he won't relent until he does. Sometimes that involves him eliminating the props that we stand on... the empy things we grasp onto to fill the place that he should occupy. Little idols cast great shadows.
In the end, it's good... it hurts, but its good.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Revival In My Heart
Repost from my Myspace Blog, 6-9-08
A few weeks ago, on Memorial Day, I felt the Lord asking me to take some time to be set apart, so I decided to set TV and non-necessary internet aside for a few weeks. I went to someone's home that day for a barbeque, and while I was there, they were watching GodTV. On this channel was a rebroadcast of a meeting that had taken place in Lakeland, Florida... meetings were being held nightly and had been for fifty-something consecutive days. Not only were the thousands of people attending the meetings being touched by the power of God, but the live broadcasts on GodTV meant that the revival was accesible to the entire world.
At first, when I looked at the people attending and the way some of them were acting (jerking around, falling out, waving flags, etc), I was a little tempted to judge the revival as a gathering of a bunch of flakes... but then I watched a little longer and the spirit of the thing began to grip my heart. If you look past some of the craziness going on, you see a group of people absolutely HUNGRY for the presence of Jesus, desperate for a taste of the glory of God. The hunger that exists in these meetings transcends every cultural barrier, every age, every denomination. I was arrested by the beauty of this gathering of worshipers. So, I wanted to go.
Tuesday night I went to the revival, and I spent almost two hours in very deep worship, simply soaking in the presence of God. It was, in two words, life-changing. I felt a fire rise up inside of me that had long been gone... the more I worshipped, the more I cried out for the fire of God, the more stirred up I felt. In His presence, I felt certain that my God could do ANYTHING, and faith began to rise in me.
I returned again twice, on Thursday and Sunday, and each time, the worship was so powerful. It wasn't the songs - the songs we sang were all ones I would consider "old" or "played out". It wasn't the singers. It was the heart of God's people - a heart of desperation, a heart that cries, "Arise, God, and take your place!" A heart that requires the presence of God to live - no more dead works, no more routine and tradition for the sake of filling a schedule. A heart that says "I MUST have Jesus."
The most beautiful thing about the revival is that when God's people are so set on Him, and when the atmosphere is so inviting for the Holy Spirit, He just sits right down in the middle of the whole thing and starts to bless His people by healing them. In the presence of God, every incomplete, broken thing MUST be made whole -spirit, soul, or body. And that's what happens. Physical healings occur. The dead are raised. Sinners repent. The wounded are restored.
It would be tempting to become a "Revival Junkie" and just run out to Lakeland whenever I need a quick fix of the presence of God. But this revival has pushed me to require more of the Lord in my every-day life. Yes, I want revival at City of Life Church. I want revival in Kissimmee... in Florida... in the US... and the world. But first, I MUST have it in me.
And it starts in my house. On the floor. Face down, before the holiness of God.
"The Gospel is not an old, old story, freshly told. It is a fire in the Spirit, fed by the flame of Immortal Love; and woe unto us, if, through our negligence to stir up the Gift of God which is within us, that fire burns low." -Dr. R. Moffat Gautrey
A few weeks ago, on Memorial Day, I felt the Lord asking me to take some time to be set apart, so I decided to set TV and non-necessary internet aside for a few weeks. I went to someone's home that day for a barbeque, and while I was there, they were watching GodTV. On this channel was a rebroadcast of a meeting that had taken place in Lakeland, Florida... meetings were being held nightly and had been for fifty-something consecutive days. Not only were the thousands of people attending the meetings being touched by the power of God, but the live broadcasts on GodTV meant that the revival was accesible to the entire world.
At first, when I looked at the people attending and the way some of them were acting (jerking around, falling out, waving flags, etc), I was a little tempted to judge the revival as a gathering of a bunch of flakes... but then I watched a little longer and the spirit of the thing began to grip my heart. If you look past some of the craziness going on, you see a group of people absolutely HUNGRY for the presence of Jesus, desperate for a taste of the glory of God. The hunger that exists in these meetings transcends every cultural barrier, every age, every denomination. I was arrested by the beauty of this gathering of worshipers. So, I wanted to go.
Tuesday night I went to the revival, and I spent almost two hours in very deep worship, simply soaking in the presence of God. It was, in two words, life-changing. I felt a fire rise up inside of me that had long been gone... the more I worshipped, the more I cried out for the fire of God, the more stirred up I felt. In His presence, I felt certain that my God could do ANYTHING, and faith began to rise in me.
I returned again twice, on Thursday and Sunday, and each time, the worship was so powerful. It wasn't the songs - the songs we sang were all ones I would consider "old" or "played out". It wasn't the singers. It was the heart of God's people - a heart of desperation, a heart that cries, "Arise, God, and take your place!" A heart that requires the presence of God to live - no more dead works, no more routine and tradition for the sake of filling a schedule. A heart that says "I MUST have Jesus."
The most beautiful thing about the revival is that when God's people are so set on Him, and when the atmosphere is so inviting for the Holy Spirit, He just sits right down in the middle of the whole thing and starts to bless His people by healing them. In the presence of God, every incomplete, broken thing MUST be made whole -spirit, soul, or body. And that's what happens. Physical healings occur. The dead are raised. Sinners repent. The wounded are restored.
It would be tempting to become a "Revival Junkie" and just run out to Lakeland whenever I need a quick fix of the presence of God. But this revival has pushed me to require more of the Lord in my every-day life. Yes, I want revival at City of Life Church. I want revival in Kissimmee... in Florida... in the US... and the world. But first, I MUST have it in me.
And it starts in my house. On the floor. Face down, before the holiness of God.
"The Gospel is not an old, old story, freshly told. It is a fire in the Spirit, fed by the flame of Immortal Love; and woe unto us, if, through our negligence to stir up the Gift of God which is within us, that fire burns low." -Dr. R. Moffat Gautrey
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Better Than Christmas!!
Repost from my Myspace blog, 5-4-08
Tonight, I lie in bed, eyes wide open, heart racing, mind running at a thousand miles an hour. No sleep for me. Not now, anyways.
Not because I'm upset, or anxious, or worried... because I'm filled with such anticipation. I haven't felt this way since I was a child. Christmas eve. Fat flakes of snow falling in the sky. Wondering what presents will be under the tree for me in the morning.
Thjs morning (Sunday), at about 11:15, my dad will walk up on the stage at City of Life after attending the Men's Experience. Forty hours of face-to-face, heart-to-heart time with God. I will see my dad, changed.
After 8 years of waiting. Eight years of disappointment, disbelief, disfunction! Eight years, all culminating in a revelation of restoration!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it! God is soooo soooo sooo amazing.
The 126th Psalm is my life right now:
WHEN THE Lord brought back the captives [who returned] to Zion, we were like those who dream [it seemed so unreal].Then were our mouths filled with laughter, and our tongues with singing. Then they said among the nations, The Lord has done great things for them. The Lord has done great things for us! We are glad! Turn to freedom our captivity and restore our fortunes, O Lord, as the streams in the South. They who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing. He who goes forth bearing seed and weeping shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.
Tonight, I lie in bed, eyes wide open, heart racing, mind running at a thousand miles an hour. No sleep for me. Not now, anyways.
Not because I'm upset, or anxious, or worried... because I'm filled with such anticipation. I haven't felt this way since I was a child. Christmas eve. Fat flakes of snow falling in the sky. Wondering what presents will be under the tree for me in the morning.
Thjs morning (Sunday), at about 11:15, my dad will walk up on the stage at City of Life after attending the Men's Experience. Forty hours of face-to-face, heart-to-heart time with God. I will see my dad, changed.
After 8 years of waiting. Eight years of disappointment, disbelief, disfunction! Eight years, all culminating in a revelation of restoration!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it! God is soooo soooo sooo amazing.
The 126th Psalm is my life right now:
WHEN THE Lord brought back the captives [who returned] to Zion, we were like those who dream [it seemed so unreal].Then were our mouths filled with laughter, and our tongues with singing. Then they said among the nations, The Lord has done great things for them. The Lord has done great things for us! We are glad! Turn to freedom our captivity and restore our fortunes, O Lord, as the streams in the South. They who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing. He who goes forth bearing seed and weeping shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Update on My Family
Repost from my Myspace blog, 4-15-08
I've been thinking a lot about how much I love Jesus. And how unbelievable blessed I am, that God would work in MY life and touch MY family... He's so good to me. I'm full of that feeling of being overwhelmed by undeserved kindness; the breathlessness of being showered with goodness that I didn't see coming...
Those of you who know me very well know that my family has been through a LOT in the past um, ten (?) years. Yikes. It's been a long time, and I just now realized it. Over these past years, at least one, and sometimes all of my immediate family members have been away from the Lord, living as prodigals because of unhealed hurts, bitterness, and pride. This has been really painful for me, especially the decline of my dad's relationship with God, because he's my hero. I literally grew up thinking there was no one closer to God than he, no one wiser, no one more knowledgeable about the Word. When he fell away, I became jaded with the church, unable to trust others, and really doubtful of the power of God. Through all of the drama, I've always stayed with the Lord, because, where else would I go, really? But I was shaken. Angry. Bitter. Out of the hurt in my heart, my prayer was literally, "God, make everything in their lives go wrong so that they HAVE to turn to you."
But this year, the way I prayed changed. My new year's resolution was to NOT let God alone in my prayers for my dad- to approach the throne every day and keep my requests before Him, like Abraham begging God for the salvation of the righteous few in Sodom. God filled me with an unexplainable desire for mercy and His lovingkindness in their lives. Instead of praying doom, I began entreating God for grace, for favor, for kindness, for undeserved blessing in their lives. I prayed that He would spare them. I prayed that, as they sat in the "pig pen" of prodigal living, their minds would drift toward the goodness of home, toward the safety of the father's house, toward the love in their Abba's heart toward them. As I prayed this way, my heart became so tender toward my family, that all I wanted was to really, truly love them.
I believe that because the way I prayed changed, the course of my family's lives changed. I know that many of you have prayed for my family too, and I'm so grateful for that! But the way I prayed changed my heart and my approach with them. Loving them became enough, whether they were kind to me or not, whether they showed any interest in the things of God or not.
I'm so excited to say that God is doing a mighty work in my father's life. He's returned to the Lord. My dad spent the day studying the Word on Saturday. He told me that God gave him his first message for the first time he preaches, whenever that might be. And, since he's attending the Men's Experience in two weeks, I know God is going to continue this amazing work in His heart and life. It's even trickled down into my three-year-old niece, who loves to go to Sunday school, is captivated by Bible stories, and prays spontaneously in the car! I'm still believing for my brother's salvation, but it's just a matter of time, baby!
Those of you who have unsaved relatives, please feel a renewed sense of hope for your family. God loves them like a father longing for the return of his lost son. It's only a matter of time before they'll realize that the safety and love of home is better than the "freedom" of being the world. My story isn't over, but it's going from "glory to glory." And so will yours.
1:53 PM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - R
I've been thinking a lot about how much I love Jesus. And how unbelievable blessed I am, that God would work in MY life and touch MY family... He's so good to me. I'm full of that feeling of being overwhelmed by undeserved kindness; the breathlessness of being showered with goodness that I didn't see coming...
Those of you who know me very well know that my family has been through a LOT in the past um, ten (?) years. Yikes. It's been a long time, and I just now realized it. Over these past years, at least one, and sometimes all of my immediate family members have been away from the Lord, living as prodigals because of unhealed hurts, bitterness, and pride. This has been really painful for me, especially the decline of my dad's relationship with God, because he's my hero. I literally grew up thinking there was no one closer to God than he, no one wiser, no one more knowledgeable about the Word. When he fell away, I became jaded with the church, unable to trust others, and really doubtful of the power of God. Through all of the drama, I've always stayed with the Lord, because, where else would I go, really? But I was shaken. Angry. Bitter. Out of the hurt in my heart, my prayer was literally, "God, make everything in their lives go wrong so that they HAVE to turn to you."
But this year, the way I prayed changed. My new year's resolution was to NOT let God alone in my prayers for my dad- to approach the throne every day and keep my requests before Him, like Abraham begging God for the salvation of the righteous few in Sodom. God filled me with an unexplainable desire for mercy and His lovingkindness in their lives. Instead of praying doom, I began entreating God for grace, for favor, for kindness, for undeserved blessing in their lives. I prayed that He would spare them. I prayed that, as they sat in the "pig pen" of prodigal living, their minds would drift toward the goodness of home, toward the safety of the father's house, toward the love in their Abba's heart toward them. As I prayed this way, my heart became so tender toward my family, that all I wanted was to really, truly love them.
I believe that because the way I prayed changed, the course of my family's lives changed. I know that many of you have prayed for my family too, and I'm so grateful for that! But the way I prayed changed my heart and my approach with them. Loving them became enough, whether they were kind to me or not, whether they showed any interest in the things of God or not.
I'm so excited to say that God is doing a mighty work in my father's life. He's returned to the Lord. My dad spent the day studying the Word on Saturday. He told me that God gave him his first message for the first time he preaches, whenever that might be. And, since he's attending the Men's Experience in two weeks, I know God is going to continue this amazing work in His heart and life. It's even trickled down into my three-year-old niece, who loves to go to Sunday school, is captivated by Bible stories, and prays spontaneously in the car! I'm still believing for my brother's salvation, but it's just a matter of time, baby!
Those of you who have unsaved relatives, please feel a renewed sense of hope for your family. God loves them like a father longing for the return of his lost son. It's only a matter of time before they'll realize that the safety and love of home is better than the "freedom" of being the world. My story isn't over, but it's going from "glory to glory." And so will yours.
1:53 PM - 5 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - R
Friday, February 1, 2008
I Wonder How Long...
Repost from my Myspace Blog, 2-1-08
Today I read a scripture that, for a time, was the only verse in the Bible that I felt rang true to where I was in my life:
Isaiah 1:16 From the sole of your foot to the top of your head there is no soundness— only wounds and welts and open sores, not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with oil.
And I had a thought: If I had stayed in Indiana, never moved to Florida, never been to Heartland, and most of all, never attended an Experience, I wonder how much longer it would have take me to find true, complete healing for my wounded, broken, oozing inner self? I know God would have done it eventually, because He's faithful and He wants me to have abundant life. But when you obey, even when you don't want to, I think He puts you on the fast-track to healing.
Today I read a scripture that, for a time, was the only verse in the Bible that I felt rang true to where I was in my life:
Isaiah 1:16 From the sole of your foot to the top of your head there is no soundness— only wounds and welts and open sores, not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with oil.
And I had a thought: If I had stayed in Indiana, never moved to Florida, never been to Heartland, and most of all, never attended an Experience, I wonder how much longer it would have take me to find true, complete healing for my wounded, broken, oozing inner self? I know God would have done it eventually, because He's faithful and He wants me to have abundant life. But when you obey, even when you don't want to, I think He puts you on the fast-track to healing.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
A little hymn
Reposted from my myspace blog, 1-26-08
Keep my heart close to the cross
To that precious moment when I was redeemed
Keep my heart close to the cross
And close to the one who gave His life for me
Keep my heart close to
The beautiful mystery
That swallowed my history
And brought me to friendship with God
Keep my heart close to the cross
Keep my eyes fixed on the cross
Though the world beckon me, "Turn away!"
Keep my eyes fixed on the cross
So in my weakest hour I may not stray
Keep my eyes fixed on
The passion and pain
Of the Lamb that was slain
So that I could have friendship with God
Keep my eyes fixed on the cross
Keep my heart close to the cross
To that precious moment when I was redeemed
Keep my heart close to the cross
And close to the one who gave His life for me
Keep my heart close to
The beautiful mystery
That swallowed my history
And brought me to friendship with God
Keep my heart close to the cross
Keep my eyes fixed on the cross
Though the world beckon me, "Turn away!"
Keep my eyes fixed on the cross
So in my weakest hour I may not stray
Keep my eyes fixed on
The passion and pain
Of the Lamb that was slain
So that I could have friendship with God
Keep my eyes fixed on the cross
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I Just Know
Repost from my myspace blog, 12-22-07
Last night I was at my friends' house, and a group of us were all standing there, just making small talk. One of my friends winked at the people in the room and said, "Someone in here is the most beautiful girl in the world. I wonder who that could be?" He looked around the room, then repeated his question as his little five-year-old daughter looked up at him and tugged his sleeve.
"It's me," she whispered into his ear.
He looked at her in surprise. "It's you?" he asked. "Well how did you know?"
She looked up at him with her sparkling blue eyes and said, "I just know."
As I watched this exchange, I couldn't help but tear up a little. What an amazing gift to give your daughter - the knowledge that she is simply the most precious creation in the world. There was no question in this little girl's mind, no wonder... it was settled. The love, adoration, and acceptance that her father gives to her makes her sure of the fact that, among all others, she is the most beautiful, the most prized, and the most exquisite. She just knew.
The world hasn't yet had the opportunity to steal that knowledge from her - she hasn't been faced with the assault on self-worth that hurting people and the media bring. But something tells me that, even when the world lies to her and tries to tell her that what she is is not enough, she'll refuse to believe. What her daddy thinks of her is the only truth.
She's secure in her Father's love
Last night I was at my friends' house, and a group of us were all standing there, just making small talk. One of my friends winked at the people in the room and said, "Someone in here is the most beautiful girl in the world. I wonder who that could be?" He looked around the room, then repeated his question as his little five-year-old daughter looked up at him and tugged his sleeve.
"It's me," she whispered into his ear.
He looked at her in surprise. "It's you?" he asked. "Well how did you know?"
She looked up at him with her sparkling blue eyes and said, "I just know."
As I watched this exchange, I couldn't help but tear up a little. What an amazing gift to give your daughter - the knowledge that she is simply the most precious creation in the world. There was no question in this little girl's mind, no wonder... it was settled. The love, adoration, and acceptance that her father gives to her makes her sure of the fact that, among all others, she is the most beautiful, the most prized, and the most exquisite. She just knew.
The world hasn't yet had the opportunity to steal that knowledge from her - she hasn't been faced with the assault on self-worth that hurting people and the media bring. But something tells me that, even when the world lies to her and tries to tell her that what she is is not enough, she'll refuse to believe. What her daddy thinks of her is the only truth.
She's secure in her Father's love
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