What can be done?

I have lived much of my adult life oblivious to what's going on in politics. In high school, I often expressed my beliefs about politics and had no problem defending my point of view. But during my college years, I learned that most intellectuals considered conservatism (my point of view) to be equal to ignorance, and therefore I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut.

This post isn't about conservatism or liberalism. It's not about democratic or republican. This post is about right and wrong. Today I read an article on someone's Facebook page that reported on our new president's recent overturn of the ban on the United States' financial support of international abortion. Apparently, this is a ban that is either enforced or overturned depending on which party wins the presidential election. Bush- enforced. Clinton - overturned. Little Bush - enforced. Obama - overturned.

Usually, I'd just read an article like this and shake my head, but then continue on with my day. Today is different. Today I received my W2 and I looked at the box that notes the amount of tax dollars that I've contributed to the running of our federal government. I realized that part of my money, the money that I earn by working at a life-endorsing institution (the church), is flown overseas to help women abort their babies. My money is used to forward a cause that I do not believe in and that my Christian beliefs (that God alone is the giver of life, that life is sacred and precious because it comes from Him, that each individual is born with God-given purpose and destiny) diametrically oppose.

I've done a small amount of research today and discovered that, worldwide, 46 million babies are aborted every year (that's one in five pregnancies that end in abortion). Of those, 36 million abortions take place in the developing world (2nd and 3rd world nations) and only 10 million take place in developed nations. This is startling: In Eastern Europe, 57% of pregnancies end in abortion. In East Asia, 1/3 of all pregnancies are terminated.

President Obama said, "In the coming weeks, my administration will initiate a fresh conversation on family planning, working to find areas of common ground to best meet the needs of women and families at home and around the world." His secretary of state, Hilary Clinton, who will oversee foreign aid, said, "Rather than limiting women's ability to receive reproductive health services, we should be supporting programs that help women and their partners make decisions to ensure their health and the health of their families."

Terms like "family planning" and "women's health" are intended to make a messy issue rather glossy and pretty. I've heard many stories from women who have chosen abortion. I've heard the hurt they've endured because of it, the guilt, the pain, the turmoil. What makes us think that the emotional effects of abortion are only suffered by women in Judeo-Christian nations? When abortion is offered as an out for those in other nations who find themselves with unwanted pregnancies, what happens to those women after the fact? When the term "women's health" is used, I'm inclined to believe that it refers only to her physical health and not to her emotional, spiritual, and mental health. Are the World Health Organization and United Nations jumping to offer post-abortion counseling? I highly doubt it.

What can be done? This is question that I've been struggling with all day. As a taxpayer, my money supports abortion, while my morals do not. I could stop paying taxes, but then I'd end up in jail, therefore thwarting any future impact I may be able to make for such a cause (and seriously cramping my style). The solution is much deeper than just throwing money at the issue. It's easy in America to write a check and feel like we've done our part. The worldwide anti-abortion movement is minimal. Plus, I'm not entirely sure that establishing a movement similar to the one in the United States would be that effective anyway, since, even though we have a huge anti-abortion population, it's still legal.

What if, world-wide, women knew how much God loved them and their unborn children? What if women in need were introduced to a God who concerned himself with the details of their lives and the lives of their babies? What if they found out that God has a purpose for them and their babies? What if they were offered another option in a desperate time when abortion seemed the only way out? What if there was a way to care for them and their children and ensure that they were fed, clothed, and housed?

All of this, while a very tall order, is nothing short of necessary.

Ideas?

Bread, Books, and the Brokenhearted

Today I was in Panera, having lunch and studying for the Women's Experience. I'll be teaching on forgiveness, and I wanted to take some time to go over the notes and prepare. So there I sat, computer, Bible, and notes spread out before me. To my right side was a book called Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall. I ordered it from Amazon last week to help me prepare for the teaching. I've read it before, maybe 5 years ago, and as I was reading it this time, it really ministered to me.

So I was sitting there, and suddenly a figure loomed over me and said, in a loud voice, "Wow you look comfy! What are you doing?" I looked up, half expecting it to be someone I know, the other half of me feeling as if I was in trouble for propping my feet up on the other side of the booth. I straightened up. A lady I did not know stood there, smiling at me with warm, questioning eyes.

I'm not the type to talk to others that I don't know in public. I'm usually on the defensive. But this woman seemed so interested in what I was doing.

"Are you writing a book?" she asked. I shook my head. "A paper?"

"Well, sort of," I responded. "I'm studying about forgiveness. I'm teaching on it next week at church, so I'm just preparing." I held up the book I was reading.

"I see that," she said. She asked me which church I attended, and I responded and invited her to our services.

"Do you live in this area?" I asked.

She looked to the side. "Long story. Let's just say I live all around here." She placed a paper on the table and instructed me to write directions to the church from 192 and she'd be by to pick it up later. I bent my head down to write, and she left the table but returned very quickly. She sat on the other side of the booth. I was taken off-guard.

"Can we pray?" she asked.

"Uh, sure." I didn't know if she wanted ME to pray, or what. I bowed my head.

"I'm not that good at it," she said. Then she began to pray. In a hesitant, unsure way, she asked God to send people in her life to encourage her, to help her, and to support her. I found myself opening my eyes every few seconds, checking to make sure that my iPhone and wallet were still there. Was this lady running a scam on me? Who comes up to someone randomly and asks them to pray, really?

"I moved down here a little over a year ago in my van. You'll see it when you go out to the parking lot. Can't miss it. I bought a year-long pass to Disney, and for the last year, that's where I've gone every day. I guess you could say I'm trying to find myself. Well, the pass ran out..."

I got it. She was homeless, jobless. Living in her van and passing her days in Disney, "the happiest place on earth," in hopes that she could attain happiness despite her inner bankruptcy.

"Ya know, if I could do what it says on that book," she motioned toward Total Forgiveness, "then I wouldn't be in this mess."

She then shared with me some details about her past, and I realized that this lady wasn't scamming me. She was looking for a friend. For hope.

I asked her if she knew Jesus. I assumed she did from the prayer we shared, but I wanted to check. She assured me that she did. I explained to her about God's love. About how, apart from knowing God's forgiveness, it wasn't in our power to forgive anyone, and how, in light of the way God looked at us in our most shameful, dirty moments and, knowing all of them, still chose to love us and let our offenses go, we had no choice but to forgive.

"Do you like to read?" I asked. She motioned her hand, so-so. "Why don't you take this book? I think it'll help you."

She smiled. "There's something different about you. I can see it in your eyes," she said. "I look into a lot of eyes. You eyes have a sparkle. Something special. You took the time to talk to me. You let me sit here."

I looked down, ashamed that, a few moments ago, I had silently questioned her motives during my open-eyed prayer. "A few years ago, I was in the same place you are. Unable to forgive. But God's worked in my life. And I'm a different person."

She thanked me. "I'm gonna try to come to your church. I'll talk to you later."

I don't want to analyze this conversation, because I feel that to do so would rob you of making your own conclusions about this exchange. But I will tell you that this conversation was the most organic, natural ministry moment I've ever had. And I'd like my life to be filled with more moments like these.

When I Grow Up

I wonder if God chuckles to himself when He hears our plans.

Like a father hearing his little son talk about how, when he grows up, he want to be a ninja and he'll throw Chinese stars and master nunchucks and NO bad guys will ever beat him up because he's a ninja. And the father knows that the son probably won't be a ninja, he'll probably grow up to be something else, like a data analyst, but he doesn't bother to tell the son that because, for now, why can't he dream ninja-dreams?

Breaking

So here's a list of things you shouldn't say to God unless you really mean them:

1. I want to live a "Sermon on the Mount" lifestyle.
2. If you have to take me through a desert in order to solidify within me my calling, my purpose, and to build something REAL in me, do it.
3. Lord, simplify my life.

I've said all of those things in the last 2 months. Guess what? God listens and answers. However, those prayers, said in moments of desolation and desperation in my time with God, gave permission for God to do what he needed to do in order to have more of my life. That means getting rid of things that may distract me and pull me away from Him. And sometimes, the stripping away is hard. It involves changing relationships, changing focus, and changing the very paradigm through which I view the world.

It may mean suffering a broken heart. I've been dealing with a broken heart this week. It hurt. It was painful. But in the middle of it all, I knew that God was right next to me. Psalm 34:18 says:

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Amazingly, in what has been a really hard time, I've felt God, my friend, my dad, sitting right next to me. When the crying was over and the reality was there, staring me in the face, there was this reminder:

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

In a time where I would normally fall apart, I simply said to God, my heart is broken; would you please be near me? And he was. I asked him, would you comfort me? And he did.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel like he's truly where he needs to be in my life.

I'm looking to Him, and I'm radiant with the expectation of seeing His glory in my life. Does that mean things will turn out the way I want them to? Or that, like a spoiled child, I'll get everything I want? Probably not! God is sovereign. If things need to happen in my life that I think are crappy so that his bigger plan can take place, so be it. This story is much bigger than me. I just need to remember that.

What's beautiful is that, in the middle of the sovereignty, in the middle of the bigger picture, he tells me this:

Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,
but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.

Starting Over

Every year, without fail, I look towards January 1 as the start of something new. A clean slate... a fresh start... a chance to do-over stuff that I didn't quite accomplish last year. An opportunity to tackle an area of my character that needs improvement. Unfortunately, most years I don't accomplish EVERY goal that I set forth. I may succeed in reaching one or two goals, and maybe take steps toward achieving some of the larger goals, but there are other goals that I never quite reach. For instance, for the past two years, one of my goals has been to get out of credit card debt. I've written the vision, looked at it daily, thought about it, yearned for it... but this year, once again, my goal is to get out of debt. Didn't quite make it last year. In fact, I may have added to the debt a little (darn it, iTunes!!). I had another goal last year of starting my Richer Life group. Even though I didn't want to (it was hard to do!), I did it, and it was the best thing I endeavored to do last year. My life has changed because of that group. So, success!

On January 1 I was reading Genesis 1. Good place to start at the beginning of the year, right? Well as I was reading about how God created everything, I was thinking about some little sections of the verses. Look at verse 11:

The land produced vegetation—all sorts of seed-bearing plants, and trees with seed-bearing fruit. Their seeds produced plants and trees of the same kind. And God saw that it was good.

And 24-25:
Then God said, “Let the earth produce every sort of animal, each producing offspring of the same kind—livestock, small animals that scurry along the ground, and wild animals.” And that is what happened. God made all sorts of wild animals, livestock, and small animals, each able to produce offspring of the same kind. And God saw that it was good.

Pretty cool that, at the beginning of time, God envisioned what he wanted, created it, and then set a system in place so that it could propel itself without Him having to be involved. Like, every time a blade of grass needs to grow, God doesn't have to point his finger to earth and zap the ground to make it happen. It produces after its own kind. There's a system in place - a seed drops to the earth, grows, and produces more seed. God started it, and then he created a way for it to continue.

We start out a year wanting to bring certain characteristics or goals or tangible change into fruition in our lives. This year I want to love more, discipline myself in my talents and gifts, develop healthier habits, and, (gulp) get out of debt. These are just a FEW of my goals. But I can't just point my finger at my goal and make it happen. Wishing and hoping won't make it happen. I need a system in place in order to reach my resolutions. I need to think about real, measurable goals and realistic, do-able steps in which to make my genesis more than just another year full of empty promises. I think we set ourselves up for failure when we make a resolution but don't come up with a game plan.

Not only am I approaching my resolutions with a game plan, but I'm preparing for some of the changes to make me uncomfortable. When I change things that my flesh has gotten used to, like trading soda for water and eating salad instead of cheese fries (oh, Outback! How I love thee!), it sucks (pardon my french). When I have to pass by that new dress in the store and instead use the money I would have spent on it to pay towards my credit card bill, it's not fun. And I have to prepare my mind for that. Changing my life is hard at first, but the benefits outweigh the present pain.

Hopefully, at the end of 2009, I can look at all my goals (or most of them), and the steps I used to achieve them and say, like God did, "It is GOOD!" And hopefully Capital One will have one less customer!