My Life, On Paper

Tonight I started packing for my move to my new house. I took down all the pictures, and then I got to the bookshelf. On my bookshelf, I have about as many notebooks and journals as I have books written by others. I'm not a pack rat by any means, but I do like to keep all handwritten notes, songs, poems, letters... to throw them away would be throwing away the story of my life. Even sermon notes connect me with specific moments in my life when I needed to hear whatever was being preached.

Earlier in the evening I had been sharing with my pastors the journey of blessing that I've been on in the last few years since I moved to Florida. Right out of college, I lived with my parents and worked a great job as a school teacher, making more money initially that most of my friends who were new to the working world. In those years that I lived with my parents, I frittered away thousands of dollars and had nothing to show for it in the end.

When I moved to Florida, I knew God was leading me to do so and I knew that He was going to have to take care of me, because the school I would be working at in Florida paid significantly less than the one in Indiana. And the first year I lived here was soooooooo hard. There were times I would work myself into a panic. What would I do when summer came and I didn't have a steady income? How would I make it through? Maybe I should move back to Indiana. Maybe I didn't have what it took to live here. Maybe I had missed God.

Inside, though, I knew that God had called me. And I knew that, to be cliche, "Where God guides, he provides." I had a small amount in my savings as a cushion that I had scrimped to put away... a safety net. It was in the deepest moment of my financial need that first winter I decided that my safety net wouldn't help if anything significant happened anyway, so I decided to give my entire savings to the Lord. I placed myself in a position where I HAD to depend on him. Needless to say, God provided summer work for me and gave me creative ideas on how I could earn extra money.

Even though I gave my savings to the Lord, I still kept my credit cards. In times of loneliness or despair, I'd go shopping or out to dinner as a way to feel better. Over that time, I racked up a signficant amount of credit card debt through foolish choices and my own folly.

When my debt got to a certain level, I decided I needed to get my finances in order. I cut up my credit cards and wrote the vision on my door so that every time I walked out of my house, I would see the destroyed card and my desire to "Get Out of Debt." But the request always seemed so far-off and unattainable. And yes, God was honoring my faithful tithing and giving by meeting my needs, but there was never that one big check that showed up, wiping away all of my troubles. His provision was a little at a time, just in time.

A few small miracles happened in the meantime. I was needing to go to grad school in order to keep my Indiana teacher's license active so that I could continue teaching. This was going to cost me several thousands of dollars, putting me more in debt to keep certification for a job that I didn't love. On the last day of the deadline, I had an epiphany that showed me a way around going to grad school and enabled me to obtain my Florida teacher's license for only $30! (And all this for a job that I would be leaving several months later! Thank God I didn't end up going to grad school- it would've been a waste of time and money!)

Miraculously, that next year I was offered a job transfer within my own organization that enables me now to work year-round (and also collect a paycheck year-round) doing something I'm passionate about that allows me to be creative and draws on many strengths I have, and challenges me in my weaknesses. My job is amazing, and I ADORE my bosses and co-workers.

I took that job mid-year and had to leave my second grade classroom. I was really worried about the transition to a new teacher, because I love those kids and I know that change is hard on little ones. Another miracle - God enabled the same teacher they had in first grade to return to the school after leaving that year and she took my class. The transition wasn't nearly as hard as it would've been because they had a familiar teacher that they already loved in my place. Another provision!

Through the new job I was connected with a person who allowed me to rent a home from her that was 20 minutes closer to my job (right in the middle of the time when gas prices spiked!) and whose rent was substantially lower than my first apartment. Just this November, I was able to purchase a car with a payment $30 less than my old car. It's way cuter, gets way better gas mileage, and has zero mechanical problems because it's brand new! And the timing of it all was PERFECT.

This year has been a year when I've seen things come to pass that have been in my heart. Friday I will close on a house - MY house. In my wildest dreams I NEVER thought I would own a house. It was always something that I thought I would someday maybe do with my husband, but never on my own. But through God's amazing provision, I will be living in a house with a mortgage so low that your jaw would drop if I told you what it was!

On top of all that, I found out on Saturday that because I'm buying a house in 2009, I am eligible for a first-time homebuyers tax credit of several thousand dollars that will be enough to pay off my credit card debt and set me free of the oppression of that financial burden!

Today as I went through my notebooks and reread all of my secret dreams, practical plans, and ways I've tried to work out my life on paper over the past 3 years, I laughed a little to myself. I saw a plan of how I was going to get through the summmer without a salary. I saw phone numbers for summer jobs that I could've applied for. I saw information for applying for a job in the Osceola school system that would've taken me away from City of Life. I saw budgets, plans, fears, questions... everything written out so that I could make sense of it, so that I could somehow solve it all. The funny thing is, I never could've written it the way that God did. He can write the story so much better than we can, if we'll let Him. And when we feel compelled to "do" something just to get out of our situation, that's the very time that we just need to be still and let him do the doing. There are so many different directions that I could've gone in. So many decisions, whims, and plans I could've formulated. But none of them would've put me right here, in the place I am. I haven't been perfect - I've been no where near that, as evidenced with the way I took things into my own hands when I accrued my credit card debt. But since then I have really tried to listen and follow God. And he has been SO faithful to lead me, provide for me, and overwhelm me with his goodness and provision in the face of my stupidity, fear, doubt, and ignorance.

He is so faithful.